WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
