But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
