I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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