Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Screwed.edu
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
