I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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