I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
im six kinds of drunk right now
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
