I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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