Umm I'm too high to move.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You were trust falling into bushes
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
