Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
