You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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