What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
