Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We don't watch enough power rangers
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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