I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
