In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
