i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
