You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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