I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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