cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
