Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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