maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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