A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
