is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
