Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
