A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
