and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
