Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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