I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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