i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
