I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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