I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Be still, my beating vagina.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
