i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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