Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize