New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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