Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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