I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
