Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
