I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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