Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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