would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
she looked like the before picture.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
