Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
