It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
