hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
