She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
me + whiskey = a bad person
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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