I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
