no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
