Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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