The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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