i jhust puked up my retainher.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
