mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
