Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
