Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
