God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
