btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
