From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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