Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
