I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
