Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
