its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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