I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
