i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
