There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
