If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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