u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
