did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
